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Recently I've been realizing more and more how God has been really, truly gracious to me.

Last night I was gchatting with a girlfriend who also recently had her first baby while Z was dozing off in the middle of feeding. It was my first time exchanging thoughts, emotions, my daily routines and all the baby talk with another new mom, and it made me see how God has made so many things particularly easy for me from pregnancy to labor to life with a newborn. I had a really healthy pregnancy, a smooth-than-ever labor according to my ob and nurses, and a quick recovery afterwards with a lot of help from my wonderful family. Z will be 3 months old in two weeks, and she's been sleeping through the night in her crib, sometimes up to 8 hours. (Though that leads to another problem which is a freezer full of extra beast milk. I never come around to use it...and now we're running out of space in the freezer, I need to find other ways to put it to good use.) I've also been trying to take Z out more during the day, and she's very well-behaved 99% of the time, making things easy for her momma. Sigh, what more can I ask for, really? :) :) I can't praise and thank God more.

In my really-pretty-smooth motherhood so far, however, breast feeding might be the most challenging task among everything else. Because it's never-ending. Because you can't be away from the baby for too long. Because you are the one with what the baby needs at 3 in the morning. Because it can hurt (pretty bad) sometimes. Because you most likely will get mastitis. Although, despite all the pain, complaints, and the idea of giving up, this is one of the few things that I really, really want to commit to in my life. I am fortunate to have a choice about breast feeding and be able to have enough supply for Z. It takes a lot of internal reasoning and conscious effort sometimes - I almost have to be stubborn about it to keep going. Of course, Z keeps me motivated too - by her poopy diapers (those are the most rewarding!)