To be 100% honest, I'm more nervous than excited about her arrival. Maybe because I'm not big enough to a point where I actually think of her as a soon-to-be reality. And I know none of the passerby can tell I'm carrying a 7-month around in my belly...yet. I'm anxious to find out how she is going to change gary and my lives, how she is going to lead me into motherhood, and change me in some particular ways as a person. It seems like the predictions and imagination I have about life with a newborn tend to go toward a negative direction. Restrictions and limitations. Things that I now enjoy so much but probably can't do as often anymore in the future.
Recently I've come to a realization how selfish I am, overall, as a person. I love myself so much that my entire life is all about me (I get guilty feelings for it from time to time, but I rarely act on them) Even right now, with Z inside my body, I'm still constantly struggling with the inevitable weight gain on my body and my rounder and rounder face each day. I'm coping with it just fine, just not with content all the time.
But it's also true and sincere when I say I want our babygirl to be healthy more than anything else. I want her to be a happy, healthy, bubbly kid that has and will preserve a pure heart and will also come to love the Lord later on in her life. Thinking about her crying face and her baby smell can melt my heart just like that. Like Gary, I think sometimes I also miss her terribly already. I know when she's finally in this world, all the things that I care right now will become the minimal.
Being in her mother's womb, she's already a big blessing God has placed in our lives. Oh, totally :)
Btw, we finally checked out Little Red Hen in Green Lake a couple weeks ago. It felt like a different world in there that night, with older people dancing and a band singing one of my recent favorite songs.
